Rumination XXVII -Call Me “Mallard” …

I ask that you, Dear Reader, not refer to me as the RT any more. From now on, please call me “Mallard”. 
“Why”, you ask? Well, for years, I’ve been a duck trapped inside a homo sapiens’ body. And I’ve been so very unhappy.  

But no longer! Because today, I proudly proclaim that I am now a duck. 

Now, I know I don’t look much like a duck, but that’s OK, because I’ve got a surgical procedure planned that will change that. And while I’ll never ever able to fly with them, I’m having some beautiful duck wings implanted on my back. 

I’ve got a duck-feathered body suit on order, as well as some artificial duck feet. And I’ll look absolutely stunning with my plastic duck bill in place. 

Yes, I’ll be the first trans-specied duck around. I’ve already been approached by Field & Stream about a magazine cover.  

With this change, I’ll expect all of the other ducks to welcome and accept me immediately because I deserve it, since I’ve actually been one of them since I was born. Sadly, I’ll be forced to brand anyone or anything that doesn’t accept me as a duck as bigoted, intolerant, hateful and ducka-phobic. 

After all, it’s all about me and what I want – regardless of how it impacts anyone else (and their sensibility).

Some of you narrow-minded readers may wonder why all of this is necessary. The answer should be obvious: God (if there even is one) made a mistake. If He had known what He was doing, He would have made me a duck from the start.  

But I’ve taken care of His mistake once and for all. For now I am what I’ve always truly been: a duck. 

Regards, Mallard 


I trust that you, Dear Reader, recognize the tounge-in-cheek nature of this post. The God I serve doesn’t make mistakes. 

“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;  male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4:3 (NIV)

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1 Response to Rumination XXVII -Call Me “Mallard” …

  1. Daren Howard says:

    I think I’ll self-identify as Trixie the Camel….

    Sent from my iPhone


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