I ask that you, Dear Reader, not refer to me as the RT any more. From now on, please call me “Mallard”.
“Why”, you ask? Well, for years, I’ve been a duck trapped inside a homo sapiens’ body. And I’ve been so very unhappy.
But no longer! Because today, I proudly proclaim that I am now a duck.
Now, I know I don’t look much like a duck, but that’s OK, because I’ve got a surgical procedure planned that will change that. And while I’ll never ever able to fly with them, I’m having some beautiful duck wings implanted on my back.
I’ve got a duck-feathered body suit on order, as well as some artificial duck feet. And I’ll look absolutely stunning with my plastic duck bill in place.
Yes, I’ll be the first trans-specied duck around. I’ve already been approached by Field & Stream about a magazine cover.
With this change, I’ll expect all of the other ducks to welcome and accept me immediately because I deserve it, since I’ve actually been one of them since I was born. Sadly, I’ll be forced to brand anyone or anything that doesn’t accept me as a duck as bigoted, intolerant, hateful and ducka-phobic.
After all, it’s all about me and what I want – regardless of how it impacts anyone else (and their sensibility).
Some of you narrow-minded readers may wonder why all of this is necessary. The answer should be obvious: God (if there even is one) made a mistake. If He had known what He was doing, He would have made me a duck from the start.
But I’ve taken care of His mistake once and for all. For now I am what I’ve always truly been: a duck.
I trust that you, Dear Reader, recognize the tounge-in-cheek nature of this post. The God I serve doesn’t make mistakes.
“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4:3 (NIV)